NEWS & LETTERS, October - November 2008
Critical Resistance 10
On Sept. 26-28, several thousand former prisoners and activists gathered at the Critical Resistance 10 conference in Oakland, Cal. In a dizzying number of workshops, activists discussed how to abolish the prison-industrial complex. At one workshop, called "Caged Mental Health: Strategies for Resistance in Women's Prisons," a former prisoner spoke to the solution being the firmest solidarity between and with prisoners.
There is no mental health in prison. You are encouraged to take psych meds to anesthetize the sadness of being separated from your loved ones.
Every living thing wants to be free. Being confined in prison is damaging to the human spirit. The damage displays itself in many forms. For example, it is impossible to make even the simplest decisions: Where should I eat? Should I leave for an appointment at 8:00 or 8:15? People may not understand this indecisiveness; it sometimes leads to arguments even with your loved ones.
In prison there was always a reminder of who was in control of our lives. Although I constantly resisted the oppressive environment, the damage done to me is real. When I was in a halfway house, the staff constantly reminded us that if we do anything wrong, we will be sent to prison again. The fear of returning to prison made it hard to function. I remember having gone out to run errands. I knew I had to be back at 4:00 for an appointment. I thought I turned back in plenty of time, but the traffic was heavy, the bus didn't come on schedule and I was getting late. The fear of being sent to prison for being 5 minutes late for a meeting made me physically ill. When I got back, I had to reschedule the appointment, because I was not well.
To deal mentally and emotionally with the reality of prison, I kept busy. I was totally involved in school, I especially remember a holistic health class. I practically lived in the vocational training building. I learned as much as I could about computers and software. I was active in the Muslim community and in my work. Yet no matter how much I did those things, I still felt the pain of prison confinement. Every few months I would cry myself to sleep and share with a friend how I cannot "do another day." At those times, my sisters helped to get me through another day. We had each other, and we still do.
What gives prisoners hope? You can't imagine how important it is to know people "out there" have not forgotten you; it's cause to keep hoping. As much as possible, use your mind: plan an event, register for any class available, read, etc. Having a relationship with God can also help. And you have to believe that one day you will leave that place.
Thank you for supporting your loved ones and family inside women's prisons. We need you and we love you.
--Hamdiya Cooks,
Director of California Coalition for Women Prisoners
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