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NEWS & LETTERS, July 2004Joys of gay marriageOakland, Cal.--We had a great time on our wedding day in San Francisco, when the city issued marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. We experienced tremendous solidarity. It was a torrential downpour that day and we had to wait for over six hours outside in the rain. All kinds of people came by, gay, straight, kids, etc. A woman was handing out newly-purchased dry socks from a huge garbage bag full of them. Another woman gave out frames (for the wedding pictures). Once we got inside, there was still another three hours of waiting. But everybody was in the best mood. Many people working there were volunteers; all were kind and helpful. They helped to make sure your forms were filled out properly, so that the applications could not be rejected on technicalities. The Right is making a technical argument that those licenses are invalid because the forms were changed to say “spouse one” and “spouse two," rather than “groom” and “bride.” A lot of couples really wanted to get married. Some were together 27 years. Some came with their families, their children. It had a very personal face, very moving. We saw every type of marriage: civil ceremonies, but also ministers, or rabbis. It was great to get the actual marriage license. As much as you don’t want to have the state mess in your life, to get this official document that everyone else can have but it has been denied to you is so very powerful. It is an official piece of paper, which made us feel less on “the outside.” You can’t make rational political decisions (not to have the state mess in your private life) when you can’t have something that everyone else can have. It’s hard not to take something you never had, never thought you could get. Once you have it, it’s easier to give up. It’s almost like what happened to Blacks. It is in some ways comparable, but in some ways not. A better analogy would be that the state is offering benefits to some people, but not to others. The social and cultural ramifications are not as great for gay couples as for Blacks. The inter-racial marriage situation is more comparable. Comparison to slavery is not right, it trivializes both. --Margo and Katy |
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